“Let’s go”, her mother tugged at her arm as they walked down the road. “What were you staring at?”, she asked inquisitively. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The pleasant breeze blew through her hair and a shiver shot down her spine. Looking up from the road, she turned to face her mother and pasting a huge smile on her face, she replied, “Nothing mum. By the way, did you finish reading that book I gave you?”
It was the most happening annual fest in the city. She was part of the extended union in her college. “Hey! Where do you think you’re going? Come back here. We need to finish designing this logo”, Doris yelled as she got up from her chair.
“I’m just stretching my legs. I feel so exhausted.”
“Are you planning to go to the canteen by any chance? I’m starving”, Meg said.
“Yes sure. Tell me what is it that you guys want, I’ll run along quickly. I’m dying to feel my legs. We have been sitting here since morning.”
The whole gang ordered junkies and hurled their money at her. She rushed back, carrying food in both her hands. ‘We have to finish writing the invitations at any cost’, she muttered to herself. Suddenly, that feeling sprouted. That awful sinking feeling. It was coming back. Again. Shooing it away, she sat down and joined her friends, laughing out loud at Doris’s joke.
She walked back home happily, thinking proudly of the various activities that her team had organised. The fest had been a huge success. As she rang the doorbell, her happiness slowly faded. The door opened and a face scowled at her.
“Where were you?”, her mother asked sternly.
“Nowhere mum. We had a party after the fest so one of my friends treated us for her birthday and we bought her gifts.”
“Oh Really! Then you would have bought one too right? How generous of you. You are squandering your pocket money. You realize that money don’t grow on trees, right? All you do is participate in every event in college, waste your time and then score poorly.”
She didn’t respond. Quietly, she walked back to her room. Sighing, she opened the cupboard and took out her pyjamas. Taking out her laptop, she pushed her bag aside. David Guetta’s music boomed loudly through the speakers as she cried hysterically, curled up in bed. That feeling could never be described. It felt as if someone was poking her guts. It hurt and she never knew why. This sinking feeling had started occupying her senses more often. It was impossible to shake it off.
She hated inviting sympathy, therefore, she put on her carefree face and spent happy hours with her friends. Pretending that everything was fine. Her racing thoughts were interrupted by the jingle of the hanging dream catcher tied to the window sill. Dream catchers always fascinated her.
The 47 year old mother knocked and knocked. “What should I do?”, the anxious mother thought to herself. Her daughter had locked herself inside the room for a week now. Only came out for meals. She had noticed the dark circles around her daughter’s eyes and the dull face and body. Doris and her other friends kept calling on her, but she never responded. The middle aged lady sighed and hurriedly rushed back to pick up an urgent call from work.
Sitting on the bed with her legs folded up to her chest, her face rested on her knees. She clasped her knees tightly with her arms and stared at the colourful dream catcher, dangling in the wind. It was 10 a.m. The floor was strewn with crushed paper that she had torn apart from her notebook in frustration last night. It was raining and the water sprayed into the room through the window, making the whole side table wet. But she didn’t care. She loved the rain, especially when the feathers attached to the dream catchers dripped with water and the drops fell to the ground. Just like her hopes and dreams.
2 p.m. She heard the usual knock. Her mother was calling for lunch. Not responding, she slowly climbed down the bed, walked to the washroom and looked into the mirror. Puffy red eyes, huge dark circles and a pale face stared back at her. She splashed her face with water, straightened her shoulders and confidently walked out with a huge smile on her face. “Hey mum! Let’s eat. I’m starving”, she said, heading straight to the kitchen.
“You don’t look too well. I called Dr. Varghese, we are going to meet him after lunch so get ready okay?”
“No mum, I’m perfectly alright. Actually I stayed up late at night watching a series. My new favourite”, she said, smiling, “My eyes look puffy that’s why I guess. I was thinking, we could go out for dinner tonight. What say?”
Without replying she continued stuffing food in her mouth which seemed tasteless. Twirling the noodles around with her fork she looked up and said, “Mum, Can I go out with my friends today?”
Overjoyed to hear it, mum replied, “That’s great. I want you to go and do something instead of locking yourself in the room and becoming sick. Go get some air. If you are alright today I will cancel the appointment with Dr. Varghese”.
“Thanks mum”, she blurted out.
She decided to fight it. Suffering would only make her feel worse. She spoke to her friends about it and they recommended a therapist to her. She started to feel better slowly. The black hole of depression was slowly fading away and she felt more herself. She realized it was better to talk about it than getting bottled up inside.
As she was taking a walk on the bridge, her hoodie’s cap kept getting knocked off by the wind. But she was smiling wide. She felt exhilarated from within after so many weeks. She thought of her dream catcher, dangling from the window sill, listening to all her worries and sorrows, and made a mental note to finally let go of it and turn the new page of her life.
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